Tuesday, December 21, 2010

One more year gone

Another year has passed so fast. My baby will turn 2 soon, he's getting big now, even though he's not talking that much he is doing stuff that other kids his age don't. He follows what i do or what daddy is doing, he is well behaved most of the times, and he does understand what i am telling him.
Soon he'll have to go to childcare, so he can enjoy the company of other kids, so he can learn other more interesting stuff. He'll have kids his own age to play with, fight for toys, or share the toys.
I am happy he's a very humble boy, well so far, he loves to share a smile with all people. Specially in the food courts or mcdonalds, he'll smile at those cleaners and try to grab their hands to say hello.
He asks me for coins to give to those selling tissue or singing on the side of the MRT stations.
Cristmas is coming and unlike other years, this time my hubby and i won't buy gifts for each other, we bought some for jsh and for our friends. Our financial problems has reached us from behind and we can't run away anymore. But we thank God for all the help we have received from him the whole year and specially last few days. We hope and pray that next year will be a better one for us and for everybody else.
I wish i could buy gifts for so many people right now, i wish i could give smth to our families, but instead i will pray for them so they will have what they need, i pray for good health, peace, happiness, joy and love.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

memories, memories, memories

6 months- gorgeous eyes
13 months- frowning for more cherries
18 Months and already giving orders...
Time goes by just like that. I miss the times when he was as small(or as big) as a loaf. My lesson learnt is don't waste time... enjoy every bit of it, it will never ever come back.
Mommy will always love you...

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Stay-at-home Mom vs Career Woman

My son is now 16 mnth old and i am thinking what to do? Put him into childcare and find a job for myself or just stay at home for longer?
When i got pregnant i quit my job because i was sick all the time and the environment where i was working wasn't good for my pregnancy. So then i said that once i will give birth i will stay at home with my baby for 6 months, then will start looking for jobs. It's very expensive to have a baby, not that i am complaining. I thought it will be easier for my hubby as well. But when i check around for infant care centres i got a shock to know how much they charge.
My initial thought was to get a half day job, and i would have time for my son, for the house, and for myself, but viewing all those charges from child care centres, it got me thinking. For a half day job i would be paid very less, compared to a full-time job, and so i would not afford to put my son into childcare.
The time passed and here we are with my son 16months old and no job.
Shoul i feel somehow guilty for not having a job or not trying hard enough? My hubby is woking so hard and i wish i could help sometimes.
He always tells me that he likes me being home cause i can take care of our son for longer. We heard so many stories from childcare centres whereby children have been punished way too harsh. At one point i will have to let go of him and send him to kindergarten, but first just want to make sure i am ready and he is ready as well. He needs to communicate with me and teachers and talk to me when something bad happen to him.
I know and i have seen a lot of stay-at-home moms, and they're ok with the fact that their husbands are working and they look after their children. So maybe so should I.
For now i will spend as much time with my son as i can, later on will see what will happen.
Love and hugs

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

A mother's LOVE

I am at the point where i am asking myself do I love my baby enough? Do I really care for him?
I mean i know i love him so much, but sometimes i feel like he doesn't sense it. I get upset with him lately from very simple things and end-up shouting at him, and not paying attention to him.
It is very difficult for me, i am not complaining, being a mom with no help but from my hubby. And how much can he help? He works from morning till evening, before he leaves for work, at 8am, he will give our son his milk and we then have breakfast together. At night when he comes home Joshua is sleeping already. No way he'll wake him up just to say hello or for a kiss, it's not good for his sleep. He does go inside the room and looks at him for a while and sometimes he will say a prayer for him.
I love my hubby, i do not blame him for anything, he is so responsible and takes good care of us. But sometimes it feels so overwhelming being alone at home with my son. I am talking to the walls all over my house, at least that's what it feels like. He is just 15months, how much can he understand? Or how much attention can he pay to me or my endless talking. I sing to him, i explain everything that i am doing, i read books, etc, you name it i do it.
Maybe people should get somekind of manual of what to expect once you have a child. You think you've done with night time feeds by 4 months, and endless sleepless nights, and cryings etc. No you're not. It keeps going on and on and on...
This is it, you just have to keep going, how do i do it?
Journals, remembering how fun he can be, looking into his eyes and seeing the innocence, getting a hug when asked, and the best one - laugh as loud as I can when I can. It may take a long time till the next one.

Love and hugs!!!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010




I want everybody to understand how dangerous is to shake your baby.
I know how difficult it is to handle a baby cry, specially when they cry non-stop. But as adults we have to understand that crying is their way to comunicate with us, tell us that smth is not right.
My son used to cry for hours when he was 2-5 months old. I would try to sing, swing him, check his diapper, feed him, nothing would work. The best advice i got from friends, other mothers, internet, was to just put him into his crib and get out of that room for few minutes, regroup and recharge myself, after my mind was clear and i was calmer, i would go back and while taking deep deep breaths placed him on my chest, both lying on the bed comfortably, he would stop. He would love to feel the calmness of my breath and the slow heart beat.
It was just so simple to handle this...

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

love being pregnant

No, no i am not pregnant yet, i guess, but i enjoyed being with my first baby. Even though i had 5 months of sickness, i still had a good time. There was a connection between me and my baby that i can't describe. It felt even strongger when he started to flip around in my belly.
Loved to walk around and show everybody that i am pregnant, i think people all around could see the happiness on my face.
My hubby used to tell me every day that i was the most beautiful prengnant woman he'd ever seen, he still tells me that i am beautiful. I guess right now i miss being pregnant, my friend has a 13 month old baby boy and is pregnant again. i don't envy her, but i wish i would be in her shoes.
After i gave birth it felt like a part of me has been taken away, felt "empty" inside. Although i had my baby in my arms and could enjoy him and see and play with him, there was still something missing.
Don't know what to call that, maybe it was post-partum depression, or someting else.
Sometimes you think that being pregnant means strechmarks, getting fat, bloating, nausea etc. Yeah it does involve all those things, but it also involves happiness, beauty, miracle and all the nice thing that you wouldn't expect to feel. I love being a mom, with all the stress that comes around. But i love being pregnant as well. But then, i only want 2 babies, so i will try to enjoy to max my next pregnancy, when it will come.
God bless al pregnant women and those who want to be pregnant!!!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

when is it the right time to have a second baby

According to experts there is no such thing as "the right time". It depends on so many things. From finacial issues to psychological ones. And then some say that if you wait till your first one is 12 mnths then will be difficult cause he is growing up and he needs all the attention he can get, wait till he is 18-24 mnths and he goes to childcare/kindergarten and again he will need you. But then if they are close ages it's good for them cause they can study together and help eachother when need. and if they are so far apart as age, the older one can be like an idol/good example for the young one.
I think whenever you feel ready and know for sure that you can handle two, then go ahead and make yourself happy.