One more year gone

Another year has passed so fast. My baby will turn 2 soon, he's getting big now, even though he's not talking that much he is doing stuff that other kids his age don't. He follows what i do or what daddy is doing, he is well behaved most of the times, and he does understand what i am telling him.
Soon he'll have to go to childcare, so he can enjoy the company of other kids, so he can learn other more interesting stuff. He'll have kids his own age to play with, fight for toys, or share the toys.
I am happy he's a very humble boy, well so far, he loves to share a smile with all people. Specially in the food courts or mcdonalds, he'll smile at those cleaners and try to grab their hands to say hello.
He asks me for coins to give to those selling tissue or singing on the side of the MRT stations.
Cristmas is coming and unlike other years, this time my hubby and i won't buy gifts for each other, we bought some for jsh and for our friends. Our financial problems has reached us from behind and we can't run away anymore. But we thank God for all the help we have received from him the whole year and specially last few days. We hope and pray that next year will be a better one for us and for everybody else.
I wish i could buy gifts for so many people right now, i wish i could give smth to our families, but instead i will pray for them so they will have what they need, i pray for good health, peace, happiness, joy and love.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

memories, memories, memories

6 months- gorgeous eyes

13 months- frowning for more cherries

18 Months and already giving orders...

Time goes by just like that. I miss the times when he was as small(or as big) as a loaf. My lesson learnt is don't waste time... enjoy every bit of it, it will never ever come back.
Mommy will always love you...

Stay-at-home Mom vs Career Woman

My son is now 16 mnth old and i am thinking what to do? Put him into childcare and find a job for myself or just stay at home for longer?
When i got pregnant i quit my job because i was sick all the time and the environment where i was working wasn't good for my pregnancy. So then i said that once i will give birth i will stay at home with my baby for 6 months, then will start looking for jobs. It's very expensive to have a baby, not that i am complaining. I thought it will be easier for my hubby as well. But when i check around for infant care centres i got a shock to know how much they charge.
My initial thought was to get a half day job, and i would have time for my son, for the house, and for myself, but viewing all those charges from child care centres, it got me thinking. For a half day job i would be paid very less, compared to a full-time job, and so i would not afford to put my son into childcare.
The time passed and here we are with my son 16months old and no job.
Shoul i feel somehow guilty for not having a job or not trying hard enough? My hubby is woking so hard and i wish i could help sometimes.
He always tells me that he likes me being home cause i can take care of our son for longer. We heard so many stories from childcare centres whereby children have been punished way too harsh. At one point i will have to let go of him and send him to kindergarten, but first just want to make sure i am ready and he is ready as well. He needs to communicate with me and teachers and talk to me when something bad happen to him.
I know and i have seen a lot of stay-at-home moms, and they're ok with the fact that their husbands are working and they look after their children. So maybe so should I.
For now i will spend as much time with my son as i can, later on will see what will happen.
Love and hugs

A mother's LOVE

I am at the point where i am asking myself do I love my baby enough? Do I really care for him?
I mean i know i love him so much, but sometimes i feel like he doesn't sense it. I get upset with him lately from very simple things and end-up shouting at him, and not paying attention to him.
It is very difficult for me, i am not complaining, being a mom with no help but from my hubby. And how much can he help? He works from morning till evening, before he leaves for work, at 8am, he will give our son his milk and we then have breakfast together. At night when he comes home Joshua is sleeping already. No way he'll wake him up just to say hello or for a kiss, it's not good for his sleep. He does go inside the room and looks at him for a while and sometimes he will say a prayer for him.
I love my hubby, i do not blame him for anything, he is so responsible and takes good care of us. But sometimes it feels so overwhelming being alone at home with my son. I am talking to the walls all over my house, at least that's what it feels like. He is just 15months, how much can he understand? Or how much attention can he pay to me or my endless talking. I sing to him, i explain everything that i am doing, i read books, etc, you name it i do it.
Maybe people should get somekind of manual of what to expect once you have a child. You think you've done with night time feeds by 4 months, and endless sleepless nights, and cryings etc. No you're not. It keeps going on and on and on...
This is it, you just have to keep going, how do i do it?
Journals, remembering how fun he can be, looking into his eyes and seeing the innocence, getting a hug when asked, and the best one - laugh as loud as I can when I can. It may take a long time till the next one.

Love and hugs!!!

motherhood: SHAKING BABY SYNDROME

motherhood: SHAKING BABY SYNDROME